The heart of the matter.

Recently, I was talking with some friends about regrets. Things we wished we hadn't said, things we wish we hadn't done, things we wish we had thought twice about. During our conversation, it occurred to me, that we as humans carry around enormous burdens of regret, disappointment, fear, and the longing to go back; To undo things, to unsay words we said in anger or fear. Whether it's little occurrences, or large and life-altering situations, we all have these little, hidden places in our lives that aren't so shiny, or pretty, or easy and you know what bothers me about that? Somewhere along the way, we get convinced by society, our friends, and hey let's face it, our churches, that God can't use that. God can only use the pretty, already 'perfect' situations, why would He even bother with the messy, ugly, and painful parts of our lives? No one wants to see that! We hinge our respect for ourselves on what others think of our lives. If others ridicule us, we ridicule ourselves, and then it becomes one big, painful and blistering cycle of regret and self-hate.

These conversations made me realize one thing: we have forgotten how much God loves us. We get so hung up in the rules and regulations of religion that we have completely overlooked the fact that His love is the only thing that can ever exceed anything we experience on this earth. It eclipses our lives here and transcends into eternity. God loves you. Do you understand that? He loves you. And it's not because of anything you say or do, it doesn't hinge on your behavior. God's love is like nothing we can ever understand on this side of the universe. When you walk outside and look at the night sky, glittering with stars and galaxies, do you realize that He breathed that into existence that for you? Hard to grasp, but the picture of that is breathtaking in every way. 

I guess what I'm trying to reiterate, is that I wish that people understood just how much they're loved. It doesn't matter what you've done, it doesn't matter where you've been, and it doesn't matter how many times you've failed. He loves you. You know how a new mother looks at her child? That look of complete bliss and satisfaction and love and wonder...that's how God sees you every single day of your life. He doesn't see the stains from our mistakes, He sees a heart that's desperate to be loved and accepted. He sees you wholly and completely and He sees past your outward appearance, He sees your heart and the beauty that lies within. 

I hear people say all the time, "I'm living life with no regrets", but let's be honest with ourselves: that's impossible. There are always going to be moments you're not proud of and things you wished had never happened in the first place, but I want you to realize that God goes beyond that. He doesn't judge, He doesn't point fingers, He doesn't talk about us behind our back. He's not like us, He doesn't have our emotions or our tendency to judge critically and immediately. He embraces us, He longs for us to trust Him, He sent His son just so we could live in the freedom of a promised eternity.

My prayer for anyone struggling with regret and shame over your past is that you would realize that you are not your past. You are valued, you are worth more than you can ever imagine, and you were given the life that you're living for a reason. Don't let your shame and regret of things past make you into someone that God never meant for you to be. Forgive the ones that hurt you, forgive yourself, and know that you can never, ever do anything that would make God love you any less. Life is messy, it's painful, and sometimes, it's just plain confusing, but don't think for one minute that God can't use those parts of your life. He loves taking the messy and the painful and the confusing and turning them into something beautiful beyond measure. Some people say you can't see God, but look around you. Look at the clouds, look at the flower and trees and birds, breathe deeply and rest in the fact that all that you see, was created out of love for you. Bask in that. 

Leave your shame behind. Leave your fear behind. Leave your self-hatred behind. You're forgiven. You're free from your past. You're free to live. Realize that regrets are inevitable, but declaring freedom from them is a choice. Above everything, know that you are loved. 

xoxo, me

Psalm 103: 8-12