For those of you who are Carole King or Gilmore Girls fans (in either case, we should definitely be best friends), you probably recognize this entry title. "Where You Lead" is probably one of my favorite songs of all time, or at least one of my favorite Carole King songs anyway. It's funny because I try to never be too philosophical when I listen to music (mostly to avoid being one of those snobby, know-it-all connoisseurs), but also because music is an escape for me. I don't have to think, I just listen and that's perfectly ok. Music takes me to a whole other existence, beyond what is and what was and for a few moments, I can be completely lost in the melodies and harmonies; But for whatever reason, this song hit a new chord tonight (haha, sorry couldn't help myself with the corny attempt at a music pun).
Now, to give you a little background on my life as of late...it's been a little chaotic to say the least. I feel like a professional plate juggler between work, school, and everything else I have going on. These past few weeks have brought along a roller coaster of emotions (mostly about school/career plans). I worry constantly about the future...constantly. My momma has always said that's been my biggest obstacle: worrying. ANYWAY, all of this to say that as I was searching (read, scouring) the internet earlier tonight for internship/job opportunities, the lyrics, "where you lead...I will follow" randomly came to mind. Well, I shouldn't say randomly, because I know it was a God-thing. I suddenly realized that in all of my frenzy/panic/worry/anxiety, I'd left out the most important part of the equation...Him. I wasn't following, I was pushing my way to the steering wheel, wanting so desperately to control my own life. Well, see that's the thing: it's not my life and for some reason, I can't get that through my stubborn head. Why is it that in life, it's so easy to follow the paths of others and yet the One path that I truly want to emulate seems so...elusive? I know the elusiveness is not Him, it's me, but I still get so frustrated. A part of me wants for there to be neon arrows and signs saying, "Mary Elizabeth! Take this path, this is where you should be!" and yet, another part of me (somewhat) enjoys the mystery of life. Sometimes, the lazy, human nature part of me doesn't want to search, I just want God to be right there, I don't want to have to actually make the attempt to search for Him...but where is the fun in that? I've felt so complacent lately, just going through the day-to-day motions, not really content, but not discontent either which is a terrible place to be. I would much rather hate or love than feel nothing at all, that's scary to me.
As I really sat down (on my bathroom floor, mind you) and really listened to the song, I felt so comforted. I realized that even though it's hard, even though I fail often and massively, and even though it's scary, this journey we're all on is so much more fulfilling if we're willing to leave it all and follow. Now, please don't misunderstand. I'm not saying you have to reject society and move to some desert land to follow God, He just wants you to follow Him where you are; high, low, in-between jobs, struggling to make it; He doesn't care, He just wants you. That's a little scary, isn't it? It is to me, especially when I have to put my entire future in His hands (even though He's already got it).
So you see, understanding can come from the most unexpected places. From Carole King songs, to lunch with an old friend, or even in the eyes of a stranger. And isn't it those moments that are the ones worth living for? I don't want to just live in the big moments, but instead live also in the ones that usually go unnoticed; the quiet nights spent at home, or the evening walks in the gentle company of lightning bugs and summer air.
Where He leads, I will [grow, mess-up, fail, rejoice, cry, laugh], and most importantly, follow...
Until next time...
ME
