Contradictions.

"Why is life so hard?" 

One of my very best friends texted me this the other night and for probably the first time in my life (ok, maybe not the very first time), I was at a loss for words. I didn't text back for a good half hour...which is somewhat unusual for me. It's such a simple question and yet...not at all. Why is life so hard sometimes? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do perfectly healthy children suddenly get diagnosed with cancer? My answer? I don't know. I'm not going to begin to try and answer or reason with something that I just can't figure. Yes, I can sit here and say we live in an evil, fallen world and that's just what happens, but what kind of hollow answer is that? I've come to realize that there are things we'll never understand the meaning of, good or bad. But isn't that what makes life...life? I think a lot of people want a map or manual handed to them, showing them which way to go or which route to take, but isn't it the periods of complete derailment that make us into who we're supposed to be? Jesus never said life would be safe and He most certainly never said it would be easy, but I've found that it's in those moments of complete brokenness and confusion and wandering that I realize...even through the aching sting of loss or heartbreak, life is beautiful. It's messy. It's confusing. It's downright crazy...but it's beautiful. 

I have to admit to you though, sometimes, I wish more than anything that I had all of the answers. I want to know why people come and go so quickly through our lives. I want to know why children starve in third-world countries while children here turn there noses up at the food they're given. I want to know why it's so easy to judge and yet so incredibly hard and painful to love sometimes. I want to know the real reason as to why God made mosquitos...(c'mon, you know you wonder the same thing).
...........
But then again, I don't want to know because to me, that is the beauty of life, the not knowing. Is that scary? Well, yeah, but I think it'd be so much scarier to know everything. If we knew everything...there would be absolutely no need for grace and worst still, there'd be no mystery. And if you ask me, it's that mystery, that spark that keeps us wanting to live for just one day more.

I also wonder though...if we knew all of the answers, would we even be able to understand them? Could our simple, finite minds even comprehend them?

Needless to say, when I find eternity...I'll have a lot of questions:)

xoxo, me